LeBron James has decided he’s answered enough questions about his impending free agency. Moratorium on the free-agency questions, he said, right before the Cavs smashed the Magic all the way through in a 102-93 road victory over the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last season. Well, LeBron, here’s a way for you to put an end to the endless questions – tell everyone you’ve decided to stick with the Cavs.
Do it wearing a Yankees cap, LeBron. Or even a full Yankees uniform, right down to the cleats. It can even be CC Sabathias’s jersey. Before the Cavs’ next home game, bring a mitt and bat, put the bat on your shoulder, and announce that you have decided that you have no intention on leaving Cleveland next season. You’re staying put. Hell, wear a freaking New York Knicks uniform.
Whatever you wear, LeBron, just make it very clear that you will be staying in Cleveland and will be up at midnight of the first day free agents are allowed to sign new contracts next summer. Here’s a thought – invite everyone to Public Square to watch you and Dan Gilbert sign the contract for the longest extension you can possible have. At midnight on the first day of free agency. Invite everyone in Cleveland to watch you sign it. Can you imagine a beautiful summer night in downtown Cleveland with Public Square lit up, television cameras everywhere, all eyes waiting to see LeBron James stick with his hometown team? There would be thousands of people in downtown Cleveland at midnight. You want Cleveland lit up like Las Vegas? Do this, and you’ll have it. East Fourth Street and The Warehouse District will thank you for the extra business this night.
LeBron, you need to do this because you’re starting to sound like someone who thought dating Paris Hilton was a good idea, until you actually, you know, started dating Paris Hilton. Maybe it seemed like a good idea in the summer of 2006 when you only signed a three-year extension. Like you didn’t know the drama that would come along with it, especially this year, now that you have a chance to become a free agent. Hey, Paris Hilton is very pretty. Nice long legs, pretty smile, rich heiress to boot. But even dating Paris Hilton can wear any guy out once you get to the jail sentence, the late nights, the sex tape, the tabloids. Who wouldn’t want to put a moratorium on all of that?
But this is the world you’ve created for yourself, LeBron. You’ve said your options are wide open. You’ve said that you’ve thought about playing for every team in the NBA, at least at some time in your life. (Even the Memphis Grizzlies, LeBron? Really? The Memphis Grizzlies?) You flirted with New York City just last week. You’ve courted Dwyane Wade. Or he’s courted you. Whatever. You still keep making Cleveland jealous with your puppy dog eyes.
Hey, we understand you’re talked out. It’s old to you but new to the media each time you got to a new town. (After all, you did say you thought about playing for that team at one time, right?) They all think they’re going to get the scoop just by asking you for the 18th kablazillionth. So just put an end to it, LeBron.
Tell everyone that you’re staying in Cleveland.
Tell everyone that your $2 million house that’s about a 20-minute drive from the Cavs’ practice facility is where you want to live.
Tell everyone that your friends are here, your family’s here, your comfort zone’s here, and you can’t imagine playing anywhere else.
Tell everyone that the Cavs have built a winning organization, that you see multiple championship appearances in the future.
Heck, tell everyone that Eric Magnini is one of your favorite people and we should all give him a chance.
That’s all you have to do to get the media hordes off your back. No moratorium needed. They might ask you over and over again why you made the decision, if you’re sure, if you’re really going through with it. Then you can spend your time talking about how happy you are with your current team and how much you love Cleveland. You can build your teammates up by spending the rest of the season telling them how happy you are here.
That’s it, LeBron. One very simple statement: “I’ve decided to stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers after this season.” It would become the greatest quote in the history of the city of Cleveland.
Just do it, LeBron. Just do it.