Where the hell have you been?

Hi there. Again. Welcome to God Hates Cleveland Sports.

Or welcome back.

You may be new to this site. Or maybe not.

You see, this is really God Hates Cleveland Sports 2.0. Call it a rebirth.

Back in January 2006 (even I didn’t realize it was that long ago) I started God Hates Cleveland Sports on Blogger. January 25, 2006 to be exact. The inspiration? The Pittsburgh Steelers had just made the Super Bowl. One For the Thumb was only a week and a half away. Cleveland looked nowhere near just one. The Browns had wrapped up a 6-10 season with a 41-0 loss to the Steelers in the next-to-last home game. The Indians were still hacking after choking away a playoff spot against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the final week of the season. The Cavs were in the middle of a solid season in which they’d go 50-32 and make the Eastern Conference semifinals, but they hadn’t made the playoffs in seven years at that point.

And my girlfriend had just decided she didn’t like me anymore.

Art2_0cowher-super-bowlSo what better way to wallow in my misery than to wallow in Cleveland sports misery? The first God Hates Cleveland Sports post featured a picture of Art Modell celebrating with the Vince Lombardi Trophy after the Ravens won Super Bowl XXXV. Freud would say posting that picture symbolized the ultimate breakup. It was like looking at your ex-girlfriend’s wedding pictures just to make yourself angry.

Problem is when it comes to Cleveland sports we’re looking at an old girlfriend’s wedding photos almost every day. Leave us and fare better. Right, Charlie Manuel?

The Steelers went on to win Super Bowl XL, beating the Seattle Seahawks. Now we had a picture of a beaming Bill Cowher celebrating a Super Bowl victory to go along with those of Art Modell. Stomachs in Cleveland churned.

It grew from there. LeBron James gave us some moments. But ultimately the Cleveland in him rose to the occasion. The Cavs made the playoffs for the first time in eight seasons but began a stretch of four straight disappointing playoff defeats that many believe simply serve as a countdown to LeBron leaving town. Meanwhile the Indians played through a dismal 2006 season — who can forget Fausto Carmona losing four straight games as the closer in July and August? — before truly ripping our hearts out by choking against the Boston Red Sox in the 2007 ALCS. The Browns have been just plain bad since GHCS began, save for a false-hope, 10-win season in 2007 which saw them fittingly miss the playoffs despite posting the same record as the eventual Super Bowl champion New York Giants.

God Hates Cleveland Sports was there, all throughout 2006 with 108 posts and for most of 2007 with 73 posts. We were recognized with mentions on Andrew Siciliano’s FOX Sports radio show, the Akron Beacon Journal, the Denver Post, The St. Petersburg Times, even a short feature on WKYC, Cleveland’s NBC station. We crossed into Canada with a mention in The Toronto Star. Oh, and one of my posts has been appropriated by a virus. Don’t go to any sites that feature a GHCS interview with the Magic Number, even though it’s damn funny.

And then, pfft, we was gone. Wallowing in Cleveland sports misery could only go on for so long. The plan was to celebrate an Indians World Series victory in 2007 then wrap up the blog in a big bow because God obviously didn’t hate Cleveland sports anymore. And even though it was fun, I sure as hell didn’t want to keep looking for the dark cloud in front of every silver Cleveland sports lining. And what with LeBron James in town and the Indians looking like an up-and-coming team, the silver lining was overtaking the dark cloud anyway. I mean, how can a blog focus on God hating Cleveland sports when the world’s best basketball player was right here?


Except the Indians didn’t win that World Series. They didn’t even make that World Series. Instead the last two posts for 2007 featured a list of area bridges from which Indians fans could jump, followed by a PDF file of my 2007 World Series tickets for Jacobs Fields. Sigh. My plan was thwarted. But I didn’t have the will to go on. I didn’t throw myself off one of those bridges, no. But I basically threw the blog off. A half-hearted attempt at a comeback during the Cavs playoff run earlier this year was as successful as the Knight Rider remake.

But here we are again. It’s a brand that just won’t die. God hates Cleveland sports sums up everything so well when it comes to our teams. It’s an end-all, be-all answer. Seriously, can you think of a better answer than “God hates Cleveland sports” to these questions:

* “Why did the Indians trade Cy Young winners in two straight seasons?”
* “Why haven’t the Browns scored an offensive touchdown in over a month?”
* “Why didn’t that shot that LeBron made in the playoffs mean anything in the long run?”
* “Why does everyone say LeBron’s leaving Cleveland when his contract is up?”
* “Why won’t the Indians fire Eric Wedge?”
* “Why did the Browns pass up Mark Sanchez in order to draft Alex Mack?”

Why, God hates Cleveland sports, of course.

What we’ll be doing in version 2.0 is presenting new material, of course. We’re back at 2006 levels for that, even with the Cavs as one of the NBA’s premier franchises. And we’ll be archiving some of the best posts of GHCS Version 1.0.

A lot has changed since GHCS began. Facebook has exploded. Twitter is growing. Embedded videos have become easier to use. The web has become much more mobile thanks to improvements in cell phones. But there’s one thing that hasn’t changed. Cleveland sports teams still make their fans miserable. Here’s to using all the new social media to share our pain. Hope you come along for the next ride.


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